Missionary Gifts

'I've got a better idea. How 'bout you stop by the temple tomorrow, and WE can teach YOU how to live a life of sacrifice.'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'But enough about me...What brings you folks to Polynesia?'

Good Samaritan responding to hurt man: 'I'm part of God's TLC plan.'

Missionary in a pot, "He's a low fat Methodist full of natural goodness"

Fred noticed the mission trip list was different from when he was a youth.

'Just like the website, lots of visitors, few conversions.'

'Tell you chief there's been a terrible mistake, I'm a Friar.'

"Doctor Livingstone, I presume?"

Can't talk now, I'm on a mission!

'At least we're doing our part to bring an end to world hunger.'

"I find the ride goes a lot quicker when you have someone to try to convert."

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"Come, let us lay our hands on these poor lepers. And heal them."

Mother Teresa

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Dr David Livingstone.

'I've got a better idea. How 'bout you stop by the temple tomorrow, and WE can teach YOU how to live a life of sacrifice.'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"Uh-oh."

'Pastor, tell us more about hell. Is it warm there?'

"Have I found Jesus?! Well he sure as hell wasn't on the couch where I was just napping!"

"I expected the mission field to be a little more modern."

"I guess this means we're going to get a taste of religion!"

Missionary control.

"Not sure I'm what your church had in mind when they said invite people."

"Gods are imaginary friends that have evolved the ability to spread from one human host to another. They are communal parasites, and you are carriers."

"And now let us pray for middlemen everywhere."

The Smiths were members of the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.

Original versus contemporary short term missionary

'I didn't know secular humanists had missionaries!'

'You're saved!'

Yukon Revival...sinners welcome: 'The problem is the natives love the idea of hell

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

'If we convert, we still get to keep Halloween, don't we?'