Misbehaving Dog Enthusiast Gifts

"Bad dog."

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

Cat rolls up yarn like power cord.

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"Are there treats? Just grab the treats and get outta there!"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

"I'll take this one."

Dog Bar with Toilets.

"He may be neutered and declawed, but he's still dangerous."

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

Dog History

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

The universe that has me at the center of it is my kind of universe!

Cat does not want to chase the stick.

"Wait ... now I forgot what I was going to bark at you for."

"Remember when we were young and could finish a round without one of us having to run off to mark his territory?"

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"I detect cancer in humans." "I assist the blind with daily tasks." "I crap in the kitchen! I crap in the kitchen!"

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

"I bark and I bark and I bark, and yet, somehow, I'm still unhappy."

'Police have counted the dead resulting from today's disaster. However, they suspect that some of these victims may be just playing possum.'

'I signed him up in obedience school, but all he did was play hooky.'

"Now, the last one was not a "mating call", but a "mates call". I agree that they are very similar, but it's important not to mix them up..."

'Interesting. . . 'While dogs respond to dog whistles, wolverines respond only to cash and traveler's checks.''

RING! RING! RING!: 'Not the cell phone AGAIN!'

"You're compromising the entire operation!"