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'Dad, I need to talk to you about my investment portfolio.'

'Is my allowance an unfunded liability?'

'No, Dustin, you may not have your allowance in euros.'

"Those are my money managers."

"How come Jasper's mutual fund is up twelve per cent and mine's only up eight?"

Child tries to get piggy bank out of a tree.

'I don't want to know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about the bulls and the bears.'

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

"Papi, I need a cash infusion of $100 because recent disruptions in the market are straining my cash flow."

Jack of all trades

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

Twenty-first century baby walker

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

"If it's all the same to you, I'd like my allowance in bitcoins."

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"It failed the stress test."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"We've made $7.50. Can we retire yet?"

"We're hoping that someday Rosalie will be a major player in the creative economy."

"I don't have time for piggy banks. Can't I just buy an ATM?"

"I don't get an allowance. I get earnings per share."

'What my stocks did during my summer vacation...'

'When I'm a CEO on Wall Street this will make a wonderful anecdote.'

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

"I hope we can flip it before the tide comes in."

'We're going to take a financial risk.'

'I don't believe in hoarding cash and gold Dad: I invest in shares online...'

'He's so spoilt, he has his pocket money paid into a Swiss bank account.'

"I think you should provide a 401(k) with my allowance."

"I used to get toys as birthday gifts but now that I'm in pre-school, all I get is money for my college fund."

"Why do I need more allowance? Because if you cut me off at 21, these are my prime spending years!"

"We shouldn't have sent him to summer financial camp. Today he turned down a new soccer ball--he didn't like its yield to maturity."

"When do you think the upturn in the economy will have an input in my allowance?"

"I like your reading the financial pages junior. It shows you have an acquisitive mind."

'May I have a moment of your time? I'd like to tell you about a plan my bank has for your IRA...'