Mini-home Maven T-Shirts

'I don't think our marriage can survive in 394 square feet of living space.'

Let's get organized

Lego Haircut

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

Non-Drip ?

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

Bleak House

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

"Sheesh, I did NOT say we have to redo everything! Just look at some swatches with me."

"Dad, I want to become a doctor. I already know something about anatomy: A human being consists of a head, a belly, legs, arms, and a smartphone."

"Could I have another quick look at your references, Barker?"

"I thought I'd go slowly - maybe start with a few stuffed animals in the corner."

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

Prison Wallpaper.

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

"Wait, Daddy! I'm that window’s target audience!"

'I think the manager's about to complain about the floor being wet.'

"Well, I've noticed someone always finds time for the 'odd jobs' around here he wants to do!"

"It's a new travel computer. It fits in your pocket. I suggest bringing your reading glasses."

"Mr. Colton, do we stand behind our products?"

'OBSOLETE: Any really expensive Heating & Air Conditioning system you bought last year.'

"Oh look - a Bauhaus Bird Box."

"Trigger Warning."

At the Wilson family reunion.

'There were bound to be some objectors.'

'According to our diagnostic computer, your car wants to have $800 spent on it.'