Mile Skeptic Pillows

The middle school mile claims its first victim.

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

CIA report

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Actually, yes, honey — I do believe 'Fox News' is an oxymoron."

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Why do you hate the media?

Classic News.

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

"Climate change is not real. It's fake climate!"

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"This just in: you thought joy was within reach, but you were wrong."

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

The following story is based on actual events.

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

Workaholic on a cruise

Time for today's dose of emotional manipulation...

"Now remember...no lies about the government...only lies from the government."

No Unknown Unknowns

Newspaper headlines - Butters kills, Margarine kills.

'He touched you and you can walk again? I just got an illegible prescription.'

"Paparazzi!"

These networks are definitely treating news as entertainment, but I'm not sure if they're going for drama or comedy.

Jeff was watching his weight.

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

'...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys don't really have a gun...no this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant...'

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"...did your last employer give you a reference?"

'The story you are about to see is as true as most of the stuff you get on televison these days....'

"None of this news seems 'fit to print' to me!"

"I don't really believe in the tooth fairy anymore, but if it pays, I play!"

Summertime Blues