Middle-aged Mischief Maker T-Shirts

"I can't remember the last time I ran my fingers through your hair."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Bad dog."

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'How was your day Ma?. . .'

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

It's sure been easier to mess around at work since we decided to bell the boss.

Child jumping on a table-tennis table.

Artist gets pooped on by lots of birds.

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

'All right, who broketh the window!'

People, come on, connect the dots...NOT THOSE DOTS!

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

"Do not feel bad - violence is acceptable when the purpose of the toy is its own destruction."

"Great, I just made my last mortgage payment!"

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

'Grandma says she has the perfect wrestler nickname for me. What does Tiny Terror mean?'

Oh, confound it, I was in landscape mode.

"No, no, no! My old 45 records do not belong in the craft box!"

'Norman, why is it you're the one who always gets detention.'

'I just got off the phone with your teacher. Next time you tell her you're from a 'broken home' don't forget to mention who broke most of it!'

'Franklin's waiting for the Google 'Street View' car to drive by so he can moon it.'

By the way, my foot's asleep. So, I guess an unscrupulous woman who wanted to play footsie with me could pretty much get away with murder right now. !

'-and leave the money in used notes in the left luggage department...'

"The meeting was cancelled after an outbreak of contagious giggling."

"Whoopsie! I accidentally speed dialed the stripper cops instead of the real cops."