Middle-age Survivor T-Shirts

Hot flashes

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

"The cape comes off too."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'It's my biological clock.'

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

'Ecce homo!'

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

'Take ten years off the top.'

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

'You know you're 40 when...'

'I've reached that age where I've given up on Mind Over Matter and am concentrating on Mind Over Bladder.'

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

Turtle Haze

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"

'The sixties? Well, you don't sleep as well, can't read anything closer than three feet away and your short-term memory's shot.'

The 'Mystery Pain 'game

"Sigh...I'm getting old."

"Ah! Here it is!"

'She says she's 40 but she's forgotten to add on the V.A.T.!'