Micromanagement Critic Gifts

'Mr. Donovan, is it all right if I tie my shoelace?'

'In my previous life I was a micromanager.'

"Best project manager we ever had."

Office temperature.

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

"Office of quality assurance"

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

Waste Management.

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

The Buck Stops Here.

Managers and staff have differing priorities.

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.'

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

Employer of the month...and every month.

Puppet workers.

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

Yes-Man Training Seminar.

"In this office I'm the dog and you are the sheep! When I bark, you move!"

"It says 'how about putting a slot in the suggestion box'. Well, I don't know how that got in there."

I'm the vice president of something or other...

"I'm not sure they fully understand the concept of annual stocktaking."

'They're halfway through the six-meter dash. At this pace, the winner should break the world record by at least 24 hours!'

"The company's information flow is really simple: the boss doesn't tell the department managers anything, they don't talk to the team managers, who withhold everything from the workers."

"All those in favor of getting even drunker and blowing lunch on the working class, say 'Aye!'."

"I'm getting back to being able to enjoy the little things—like firing people."