Message Juggling Master T-Shirts

'You have seven phone messages telling you to check your e-mail, and thirteen e-mails telling you to answer your phone.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

Multi-tasking.

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Barack Obama's To Do list.

Food deliverer's baby.

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work, I overslept.'

Hassled Mother.

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

Spam in inbox.

The Housewife

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'Look! It's superwoman...and all her assistants!'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

Overworked

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

"Hello?"

The Communicator

A mother drives a mini-van full of kids; her bumper sticker reads "I'd rather be working".

'Good to see you back at work.'

'Looks like someone got their bags mixed up at daycare drop-off.'

'As editor, your first job will be to rewrite your resume.'

"Finally. The baby's asleep, the washing's done, I've finished cleaning the house..."

'Jack, you're being way too entertaining. This is supposed to be a bored meeting.'

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

'I juggle a family, a career, and three cell phones.'

'Who's gonna tell her she's wearing two different shoes?'

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

Rocking Chairs