Merry Moralist Gifts

'With all I've learned about psychology recently, establishing who's naughty and who's nice is not as simple as it used to be.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

Everything for a buck.

"Bless me father for I have allegedly sinned."

Religious toilets.

"Turns out the love of money wasn't the root of all evil."

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

The Seven Deadly Sins: Envy, envy, envy, envy, envy, envy and envy.

"I've never quite figured out how it works. For years, you're on the right side of history, and then one day, you're not!"

Dollar: Warning - May cause excessive greed, loss of human empathy and disregard for vital environmental systems.

"Stand back? corrupt file."

Diogenes: 'I found an honest man once, and he reported me for vagrancy.'

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

'This is the part of the job I hate.'

"Don't worry dear. I won't spoil her anymore than you can afford."

'My father will kill me. I'm pregnant... we'll have to run away.'

It's our editorial opinion that you DESERVE a very Merry Christmas.

Halo Theft

A marine adaptation of the tortoise and the hare: the porpoise and the frog.

"I'm sorry, but you do not qualify for the home office credit."

"This is Harold. . . He's in charge of office merriment."

"Proud parent of an honor student? Eh, whatever. Parent of an honorable student? Now that would be impressive."

"At least I'm learning right from wrong."

'Eat in moderation. Drink in moderation. Be merry all you want.'

'This is the part of sin I hate.'

"David doesn't like manna."

Moses at the urinal

'It doesn't matter that you never got caught!'

Euthanasia - UK patients go to Switzerland

'Tell you what - We'll give you moral support, okay?'

"I prefer sawn-off arrows. They double up as knitting needles for the wife.2

'Look there - the legendary Reindeer cemetery!'