Merchandise Critic T-Shirts

Rejected Spider-man lunchbox ideas

Polluted geese

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"That shirt is so last year."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"This is a big seller, and we get them cheap...from China."

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

Non-Uniform Day Today.

Pam learned the importance of browser support.

'For my latest line, I bought clothes at Target and then changed the label,'

CATCHY NAME

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

Pizza Special: 5 Pizzas for $50 (Limit 4).

"And what would the, Truth-in-Advertising tribunal, want to speak to old Rudy about?"

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"You're wearing too much rouge."

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

Peace on Earth

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

"I see we're split between those who like my new tie, and those who welcome unemployment."

Seatback in upright position, fasten safety belt, listen closely...prepare to be bombarded with promotional advertising through the rest of the flight!

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

"I'm sick and tired of black."

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"

A man with a pocket handkerchief encounters a kangaroo with a pocket handkerchief.

The Ravages of Time: Marky Mark, circa 2043