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We'll pass on the entrees...

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'Your shoe's untied.'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

Candid Camera store.

Primitive magician

Some card-game puns

Party time.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Yoyo sheep

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

"I just need help getting the pit out."

'Of course he can do tricks...it's just he's got a bad memory.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"Now the geeks hold all the power. They're the ones who know how to forge a parent's e-signature."

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

High speed cinder block

Magic Tricks

Wet Cement. Always the joker, aren't you, Ernie?

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

Magic Tricks

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

A dog has inflated the family cats with helium and they are floating on the roof.

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

He'd attended Julliard and done Shakespeare in the park, and he never thought he'd sink this low, but there were bills to pay, and there weren't that many jobs out there for a bottle of seltzer water.'

"Mom, that magic kit you got me for my birthday, we may have a problem."

Dog bringing paper and paper boy.

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

"Police, this is the wife of Magi the magician, something's happened to him!"

"Honey, the dog learned a new trick. And now I owe him twelve dollars."