Menu Master Pillows

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

"You folks ready to order?"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'I'm lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant, vegan and allergic to tomatoes...what have you got that's good?'

National Coffee Day

"I'll give ya another minute..."

'I'm sorry Sir, we don't do 'grub''.

"Ah - Sir has fancied something from the menu."

'I'll have Spinotti Vermtimicelli.' 'That's the name of the propriotor.'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

'Compliment me on my perfect pronunciation of this junk,and there'll be a good tip in it for you.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'Read that back to me, please.'

Anxious man reading restaurant menu

"We haven't given any thought to dessert yet, but I'm sure we will once we receive our entrees."

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

Al's Diner: Be careful what you ask for!

'SPRING water-in the middle of summer???'

'Bird menu.'

"Don't order anything that will embarass me."

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Girls night!

I see the businessman's lunch is up 50p.

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I have a food question."

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"I really shouldn't have any dessert. My trainer told me never to eat out of boredom."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

Kitchen Kapers

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'