Menu Magnate T-Shirts

"We take pride in offering food that's simple, basic, yet absurdly expensive."

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Kitchen Kapers

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

Party time.

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

National Coffee Day

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Lord Avariss - Captain of Industry

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'Physical or Social Science?'

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

"How 'local' is the fish?"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

'If Darwin had been the cook on the Beagle' 'Menu- its Evolution'.

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"If I had a restaurant, it would be called the Can and Microwave"

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'