Menu Design Aficionado T-Shirts

First, Menu Stands. Then...

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'Who gets the decaf?'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'How is the water prepared?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"