Memo Maven Pillows

"The government is demanding greater accountability, could you write me a memo outlining how you buggered up the entire social care system!"

'You're in trouble. Your confidential memo went toxic and so did that tuna salad.'

'Memo to all staff, Miss Marsdon, anyone I suspect of thinking I'm paranoid, power crazed control freak will be fired!'

'Look, it's a memo from the boss about layoffs. . . He put a :-) at the end of it.'

'Make sure that when you type this up, you leave the 'caps lock' button on.'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

Drool Marks

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

'In memory of our beloved Skippy.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

Time Out For Teddy

We Made a Fortune! 'That's good enough for me. I don't really need the specifics...'

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

'...she still can't manage a decent sports metaphor.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

I'm not sure they understood what I was getting at. Yeah, they all looked confused, didn't they?

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

Human Brain

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

'First of all I'm sorry. Secondly I'd like to clarify what I meant by 'never apologize, never explain'.'

"All those who want the doughnuts with jam in the middle please raise your hand."

'I know, we'll lead off the presentation with me telling an incredibly long and seemingly pointless anecdote about the time I burned my finger while lighting the back yard grill...'

'First, I want to apologize for calling this meeting on such short notice.'

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."