Melodic Storyteller T-Shirts

"This song describes the events of a lovely spring day. The sky is a cloudless blue, birds are singing, and out at the ballpark the grass is an emerald green. It's the top of the fourth, there are two out and runners on first and second. The batter hits a slow roller down the third-base line. The third baseman scoops up the ball barehanded and tries for a force play at second..."

"We only got six days of funding."

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

Anna Calvi

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"Eat my dust!"

"Now I think of Mom whenever it's cold."

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

Drummer

Phoenix

Tristan Und Isolde

Mark Knopfler.

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

Santa CGI Effect

Catch and release dating.

Daughters at Bedtime

Frankenstein's Reading Light

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

'They met in a revolving door and started going around together.'

Fairy tale

"I am wearing sunglasses and using sunscreen with 50% UV protection. What could possibly go wrong?"

Frontispiece to 'The Pickwick Papers'

Don Pasquale

fairy tales

Old Joe was determined to reach the summit as he'd left his false teeth up there last week!

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

Lute

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

Atlas carrying Earth about to slip on banana peel.

Maestro

Witch dice.

'This is okay, but my ambition is to be an automatic teller.'

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Ding dong means the witch is dead. Ding ding means dinner is ready."