Megabyte Maven Pillows

"George was only interested in mega-bytes, so I got him this rottweiler..."

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

Lego Haircut

Business is off the chart.

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

Our parent company is not pleased with our work. They want all of us to register for a few remedial MBA courses.

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'With our marketing budget so limited our best chance is to make commercials that are SO bad that they'll go viral.'

Categories are the key to organizing.

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

Economic Prosperity

Life is ghoul

Castle Efficiency

'Side effects include, headache, dry mouth, muscle fatigue and turning into a frog.'

'Frank said if he ever won a lot of money from online gambling, he wouldn't change, He lied,'

"I'm not sure if that bill is correct or not, sir. We just throw a bunch of charges on there to see which ones stick."

'I've added this up six times and still can't get it to balance!'

"A restaurant critic! I hope she doesn't make this place sound too good."

'I'll accept that excuse for now, but you need to have a brain by Monday.'

'In which on-line university will you enroll?'

Doubling Gloucester Cheeses

"It's the first responders wondering when you'll be needing their services this weekend..."

"Maybe your purpose in life is to have a well-organized sock drawer."

Open-Plan Psychiatry

'There's someone here I'd like you to meet. He's very well-connected.'

"If I'm going to spend any time in here you need to do something about your dandruff!"

"And then they came out with a desktop model."

Snake charming the telephone.

"Yes, I know it looks like a blank canvas. . . I call it apathy!"

'What a gorgeous mug. Did you make that by hand... or by foot?'

Workplace 17 Days Without An Accident

"I got rid of all the excess in my life."