Meeting Maven Gifts

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"Well, Stoddard, I think I've bounced enough ideas off you for one day."

'I'm afraid the meeting will start a little late, the strategic business planning team are lost in the building somewhere.'

We Made a Fortune! 'That's good enough for me. I don't really need the specifics...'

Meeting Agenda.

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"We need an end to short-termism, at least until next week"

'I'm just concerned that if we embrace change this one time, change might get the wrong idea and mistake it for some kind of long-term commitment!'

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Now will everybody please turn to page 5 of the hidden agenda."

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

Today we see for ourselves what's in the Pipeline."

"It seems our new computer system is allowing us to implement idiotic ideas ten times faster than we've previously been able to!"

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

'To begin with, I'd like to apologise for my behavior at our recent meeting!'

'You're probably all wondering who I've promoted to VP of sales!'

'We just finished our meeting on raising educational standards. Please call maintenance. Please call maintenance and have them vacuum up all the educational buzzwords left on the carpeting.'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

"Mrs. Carstairs will read her blog of the last meeting."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Business man to lady: 'I thought the meeting was thorough and complete. I didn't understand a word that was said.'

'All those in favor of my idea say... 'I want to keep my job.'

'This is what you're bringing to the table, Wetzel?'

'That's Sam. Most of his best ideas have been stuck in the company pipeline for years!'

Do 'radical alternatives' to the contract really exist?

'Now remember, he's ambidextrous, he's good at talking out of both sides of his mouth.'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'And I'm pleased to report that we were able to reduce our carbon footprint...'

'What makes you think I like making this meeting difficult?'

'First of all I'm sorry. Secondly I'd like to clarify what I meant by 'never apologize, never explain'.'

'Look at the PowerPoint and tell me which of the bullet points you see is most senseless and off-topic.'