Meeting Expert Gifts

'For the remainder of this health and safety discussion, I shall refrain from leaning back too far on my chair.'

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"What's a debenture?"

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

"I love these off-site business meetings."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

We called this meeting to decide your torture, Mr. Jones. Then we realized we could kill two birds with one stone by making this meeting eternal.

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

Responsibility and duties

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."