Medieval Studies Professor T-Shirts

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

'NO, NO, NO! Thumb screws first THEN the rack.' 'Sorry about the delay. 'Creative differences.''

"For example, people who don't have dungeons might spend their evenings playing cards or watching television."

Trial by combat: Macaire and the Dog of Montargis.

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'If you were disturbed by any issues raised, please call your mum.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Knight feeding his kids.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"He's his own worst enemy."

"The knights of the round accent table"

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

TV jester.

Joust Sharpener

"Early model of baggage claim"

"What the hell took so long?"

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Swiss army knife

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."