Medieval Studies Professor Pillows

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

'NO, NO, NO! Thumb screws first THEN the rack.' 'Sorry about the delay. 'Creative differences.''

"For example, people who don't have dungeons might spend their evenings playing cards or watching television."

Trial by combat: Macaire and the Dog of Montargis.

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'If you were disturbed by any issues raised, please call your mum.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"We're following Carrot Top."

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

Knight feeding his kids.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"He's his own worst enemy."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

Swiss army knife

"Early model of baggage claim"

"What the hell took so long?"

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"The knights of the round accent table"

TV jester.

Hildegard von Bingen