Medicine Name Decoder T-Shirts

'This is the same prescription that you always refill except that the name has been changes to make it easier to pronounce.'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

Apothecary. Tell us what ails you. We'll concoct a chemical mix to dissolve in water which will fix you. Every problem has solution!

"It's a list of possible side effects."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

'Have there been any side effects from the medicine?'

'Physical or Social Science?'

'Here's an interesting article. 'Cold or Seasonal Allergy?''

Anti-Vaxer

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

"Since you're always asking, here's a list of my various kinds of sighs, with explanation of what each one means."

"I don't like the looks of that Spot on your lung."

Medical Billing & Coding

"I'm going to need a pediatrician, two vets and an ornithologist."

'This could end up costing a lot more than I thought -- your disease is psychocomatic!'

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

"I'm afraid we'll have no chance of curing your husband until we find out why he changed into a banana."

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

'Yesterday we ran a CBC, a BUN, a liver profile...

'Well, I don't WHAT this x-ray is showing us...but I'm seeing Picasso.'

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

'The computer links me to other doctors, so I can see how much they're charging for tests.'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

"Bob, let's meet everyone. Amy is Director of Thought Innovation Solutions, Marcus is head of Transformative Mindset Empowerment, Terry's in charge of Scalable Competency Integration, and Gail is VP of Agile Enterprise Strategy. None of us knows what we do, Bob."

'It says: 'No refills until your primary care physician is released from jail'...'

"The doctor's nurse's nurse practitioner will see you now."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

'Right now it's about a tie.'

"That's not what it says on the Web."