Medicine Minder T-Shirts

"He thinks he's invented a fluted, or grooved, top for pill bottles so that he can tip out a single pill rather than have a cascade of them rolling about on the kitchen or bathroom floor."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Remember, the road to recovery begins with baby steps."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

'Would you feel less inferior if I made you a Colonel?'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

"Don't worry they're all part of my team."

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

Well, I feel a lot better - he says there's a method to my madness.

Yes, yes, let your aggressions out, but not here!

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'

"To be honest, most of our work involves reassuring patients until nature cures them..."

"Well, how can I help cure your severe hypochondria if you keep cancelling appointments due to illness?"

Postman Drops Off Post In Medical Building.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

Analyst and patient

'Take two of these, and call me in the morning!'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

Cankersaurus

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

'No more appointments today, Miss Mitchell. I'm all psyched out.'

When psychiatrists do self analysis.

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only Google has those records."

'I'm trying to work on Mr. Findlay's self-esteem, Miss Oglethorpe — stop giggling in there!'

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"