Medicare Buff Gifts

'An ounce of prevention was worth a pound of cure, but that was before Medicare.'

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Wait! Don't start the chase now: I need to stretch first!:

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."

'As you go through life, always remember that money isn't everything...Health benefits and stock options are also very important.'

Man with arrow in back - "We're going to run some tests to see if it's psychosomatic."

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

'We now have 28 subscription cards in every issue, but we MUST HAVE MORE!'

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

Motivation to Keep Fit.

Pollyanna, the Hamster

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

'I know just how you feel.'

The tortoise and the hare are in a shoe store trying on shoes in preparation for their race.

So, have you had this 'human flu' yet?

Our 4 Branches of Government

"I've just overheard the doctor say the farmer has the flu! We all know what that means: chicken soup!"

"Relax, I'm only hear to see my osteopath."

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

"Can't talk now. Cramming for tomorrow's stress test."