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"You have to admit, it was funny...even the paramedics were laughing!"

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"Ugh, we get it - you're in love."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Long shift?'

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

"Turn your head and cough."

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

Medical Library - Large books with really revolting photographs

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

'Just another couple of pages.'

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

The Shoemaker's Appendectomy

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

Nurse holding giant pill tells patient, 'Relax. It's chewable.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'Doctor Corazon, I'm in love with you. You make my right ventricle go pitter-patter.'

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

'The good news is that new medicine cleared up the spots, but...'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

Anatomy.

"I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT systems!"

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

'...Do you have an appointment...?'