Medical Professional Joke Pillows

"We're not talking this guy anywhere until we change his underwear!"

Ice Cream Surgeon

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

Virtual Doctor

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

You can relax now.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

Hypochondria Hospital

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'