Medical Plan Critic Pillows

'Bad news,Mister Hogwhite - your hospital Plan has taken a turn for the worse!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

Republican Healthcare

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

Surgical Self-Service

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

'You're suffering from a lack of profit-making opportunities within the NHS.'

Have you drugged your child today?

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Government looks for new targets over GPs pay

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

'Sales are up 12% since we moved Recovery over here to the hospital gift shop.'