Medical Expense Jester Pillows

"You feel like a million bucks? Great! I'll tell our billing department"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

Free Range Eggs - ""I've decided to sell up. I'm having trouble making hens meet."

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

In case of stock market crash break glass.

Economic Think Tank. Some of my data says the economy is getting better and some says it's getting worse! So just report that the economy is humming along but you're not sure what tune it's playing.

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

Man ironing out a line graph.

"Med Brittle"

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

"5 second rule!"

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'This can't be! Company policy strictly forbids quarterly loses.'

'Um ... no - I said we'll need a stool sample.'

"Do you think we could botox the economy?"

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

'You know, you're a real piece of work, Al.'

"We've got to cut the drugs budget somehow, pass me the twigs and the bat droppings!"

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

"We're trying to save your husband."

'Dont' operate any rocks or sticks while you're using this medication.'