Medical Expense Jester Pillows

"You feel like a million bucks? Great! I'll tell our billing department"

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

Free Range Eggs - ""I've decided to sell up. I'm having trouble making hens meet."

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

In case of stock market crash break glass.

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

Man ironing out a line graph.

"Med Brittle"

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'Dont' operate any rocks or sticks while you're using this medication.'

'This can't be! Company policy strictly forbids quarterly loses.'

"We're trying to save your husband."

Nil By Ear

'Um ... no - I said we'll need a stool sample.'

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

'You know, you're a real piece of work, Al.'

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

"We've got to cut the drugs budget somehow, pass me the twigs and the bat droppings!"