Medical Director Pillows

'Omelette! Nothing but omelette! Day by day, week by week! Geez, I'm sick of omelette!'

"Looks like we found the issue."

Where your mind & battle are los

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

2021

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"We've made great progress!"

Benedict Cumberbatch

Director/Action Man toy.

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."