Medical Critic Gifts

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"Great job everybody. Now let's close 'em up and bill 'em."

"You are a hopeless failure Mr Davies but the tablets will make you think your not"

'You pay nothing for these pills - but, they do absolutely nothing for you...'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Surgery up here is free!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

Funny, this is the same pill the head of the price-gouging drug company needs to take so he can sleep at night, too. Pharmac …

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

"At this point, we know it's addictive."

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

Government looks for new targets over GPs pay

Republican Healthcare

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

Prescription Drugs '96.

Surgical Self-Service

Have you drugged your child today?