Medical Bankrupt Pillows

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Our company has hit an iceberg and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'Time for your pills.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

Infected Macron

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'I'm having my colon checked.'

'The future of medicine' "It's genomics." "I'd say proteins." "Same as always: economics."

'You're going to have to give up painting ceilings, Michelangelo !'

'Cards for all occasions: takeover, buyouts, mergers, flotation, bankruptcy.'

'What a wonderful day to declare chapter 13!'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"I'm starting up a concierge medicine practice. You in?"

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

"He detects disease."

"Can I dress business casual even though I lost our business?"

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

Healthy Eating Casualties

Celebration in operating theatre.

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

Cause of death: Just one of those things.

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

"...and the good news is Mr Watkins, your keyhole surgery was a complete success"

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

Amusing patients: Photocopier burns

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

'Are you sure this isn't the point in which we should stop following the invisible hand of the marketplace?'