Medical Anomaly Fan Pillows

'The bad news is you had two diseases no one in history ever had together, The good news is they canceled each other out'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

It's a pretty serious chemical imbalance, Mr. Sims

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

"You're sure it's a birthmark?"

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

Operation Tattoo

"But the P.R. guy says he's going to be O.K."

'The GOOD news is that the medication you took has completely cleared up your hardening of the arteries.'

Medical Curiosities

"I'm afraid the shark got your arms and legs. It's probably not a good time, but your brother's here. He needs a kidney."

Sewing Machines in Surgery

"In case we have to go back in."

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

Yes, the results of your blood test came back, Mr. Fusco. But they're for me to know, and you to find out. ! !

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

"See? Right there - my wedding ring."

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

Freak Accident Specialist

Sling

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'Quite frankly, Mr. Bayliss, you've got us baffled.'

Broken legs and broken nose in the hospital.

'I hear you practice modern medicine.'

"There's no response! Are you sure he's in there?"

'You're fine.'

Nose Jobs $2.

You've probably heard of "White Coat Syndrome," the phenomenon in which patients exhibit a high blood pressure level in a clinical setting, even though they don't in other settings. Well, you won't get away with that here.

'No, there is no such thing as generic doctors!'

"I can't find anything wrong with you at all."

'For patients with a diagnosis of amnesia, send billing statements weekly until paid.'

'Wow! Well this certainly rules out hypochondria!'