Medical Amusement Pillows

"Pick a file, any file." Dr Collins ability to put nervous patients at ease was legendary.

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'