Media Watcher Gifts

In Plain Sight

So Shallow

Exit. News. Why do yo have a TV with 24/7 international news next to the exit? It's a constant stream of sobering messages.

Gentlemen, the economy is improving...leak the news to the media.'

'So we tell the media our board has lost all scruples, but is willing to do some handwringing on Newsnight.'

"Hey! That news anchor just said something completely unbiased. I wonder what brought THAT on?"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'Einsteiners.'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Tree house.

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

Fear of news.

'Och lye the news'

Republicans and Democrats debate while the US economy drowns.

"If we gave them press freedom they'd only want democracy too..."

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

The North Portico of the White House runs away crying.

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

'We're there already? I'm still watching my video!'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

A Journalist's Weapons

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

Incorrect weather forecasts.

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

It's a Dog's life

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

'The opinions expressed by Burt are not necessarily those of Ernie.'

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"