Mattresses Pillows

'This one's quite popular with the restless leg crowd.'

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

'With you being the president of a mattress company, I can imagine this is going to be quite an adjustment for you,'

Memory-Loss Foam.

"He says if this is his death bed - he'd like a harder mattress."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

"We can't agree on a size."

'Oh, no! The monster under my bed is my brother!'

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

'Sleeping through Monday is the coward's way out!'

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

'Perhaps you'd like to try something a little firmer, madam?'

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

"Counting sheep is the quickest way to fall asleep...and with this sheep number mattress, you can say 'BAA-BAA' to sheepless nights forever."

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

The domino effect.

"Maybe we shouldn't have chosen to buy the super springy mattress!"

"We've got just the thing for someone your age...all our mattresses are made with memory foam."

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

Water bed.

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

'Ah... you'll be wanting the King si...er...Queen size.'

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."