Mattresses Pillows

'This one's quite popular with the restless leg crowd.'

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

Memory-Loss Foam.

"He says if this is his death bed - he'd like a harder mattress."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

"We can't agree on a size."

'Oh, no! The monster under my bed is my brother!'

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'Sleeping through Monday is the coward's way out!'

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

'Perhaps you'd like to try something a little firmer, madam?'

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

The domino effect.

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

"Maybe we shouldn't have chosen to buy the super springy mattress!"

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

Water bed.

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

'Ah... you'll be wanting the King si...er...Queen size.'

"I drink to forget."

"Uh, sir...madam...the sign just meant for customers to sit or lay on the mattress to see how comfortable...oh my!"

The Princess and the Pea

"And see how my assistant Mr Wilkins demonstrates the bounciness of the ZF-150 Divan."

"I just don't feel right unless I get my normal eight hours of semiconscious drifting in and out of sleep."