Mattress Stuffer Gifts

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

'Are you SURE you switched off the electric blanket, luv?'

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

"We can't agree on a size."

New Age Office Supplies Catalog.

The Mattress Savings Bank

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

Christmas Cow.

"There's probably room for one more."

'Sleeping through Monday is the coward's way out!'

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

'Just what I didn't want... chocolate euros!'

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

The domino effect.

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

Man hangs Christmas stocking on tree.

"Before I serve seconds I'd like everyone to take out their phones and complete a short survey rating Barbara's fig-nut stuffing."

With a round little belly like a bowl of jalea, he struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea.

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

"Uh, sir...madam...the sign just meant for customers to sit or lay on the mattress to see how comfortable...oh my!"

Santa Claus

The Princess and the Pea

"I drink to forget."

"And now, if I may, I'd like to put You on hold for a moment while I have a few words with Mammon."