Mattress Critic T-Shirts

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

"We have GOT to get a new bed. This soft mattress is killing me!"

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

Pam learned the importance of browser support.

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

"God, I love this show!"

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

"I'm sick and tired of black."

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

Emotional Baggage Handler

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

'A new study of people who watch television all the time reveals some shocking facts....'

"I told you that TV would be too big for this room."

"... And how long have you had this total fixation with T.V.?"

'You can't vote him off, dear - he's the newsreader'

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."