Math Joke Appreciator Pillows

'I thought we were going halves.'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

Laughing Zone Ahead

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

OMG.

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."

Smart 3 Piece Suite.

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

"Smart Arse"

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"He's been like that ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."

"You think the food is bad, wait till you hear the pilot's jokes."