Matchmaking Misfit Gifts

"he was a computer error of the Computer Dating Service"

Dating site - buy a dog.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

'If this is 'Office Team Day' why are we wearing different colours?'

Cupid

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"No, I've got nothing constructive to add. But I do know a funny joke I could tell."

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

'Dream-dates don't normally go for nightmares.'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

Mister, Inc: 'Wrong...Right'

"I think you are exceeding the speed limit."

"Of course at this point, the egg salad went bad in the sandwich machine."

A dog cupid flies an arrow after a dog jumping on a random man's leg.

"Ah, Reid. You obviously didn't get my, 'you're fired' text."

'Have you got any called Samantha?'

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

'I know she's not much to look at, but neither are you!'

'Anyone can arrange a blind date, only truly great ones can arrange a whole relationship.'