Matchmaker's Spirit Gifts

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Asking out a palm reader.

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

'Fred, don't you think you're over doing it a bit?'

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

Lonely Hearts Dating Agency - "Mmm he's a bit of a dish."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

Match maker

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Pucker up!

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

Carbon Dating Agency

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."