Masters Of Irony Gifts

"I had a dog but got rid of him when it became clear that he wasn't going to get a job."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

End the Winter Blues

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

Oedipus

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

Perfection Troubleshootors.

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

You're Out Of Order

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.