Master Of Selective Hearing Gifts

'You've got your ears shut again, haven't you?'

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

"I wish someone would come and turn the vibrating buzzer off on that mobile phone!"

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Older lady to husband surrounded by dogs: 'Still getting feedback from your hearing aid?'

'No need to shout.'

'I'm a voice over artist.'

'I don't get it. He's got only one tongue and two ears, but he talks twice as much as he listens.'

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

"Thanks to my hearing-aids, I can fly safely and hunt again..."

"You're hearing is fine. It's the noise-canceling headphones that are the problem."

The herd of hearing.

Ear specialist uses sign to communicate with hearing impaired patient.

"He'll expect something nice. I'm his best friend."

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

People talking through a stethoscope.

Old man with archaic ear horn says: 'This was state of the art when I joined the waiting list ...'

'We can't put it off any longer, we must book hearing tests.'

Hard of Hearing Institute.

' I bet you here this kind of thing all the time. '

Guide dogs for the deaf

"You should see considerable improvement with your new hearing aid and as a gesture of goodwill we'll throw in the spare battery for free."

'I'm a finicky vegetarian. I don't eat eggs unless they're poached. I don't eat meat, unless it is properly marinated. I don't eat fish unless it's breaded and fried.'

Deaf Musician

I have very few things in life to worry about...and that is making me worried!

Ear Doctor.

People at a meeting passing around cotton wool for their ears.

"You really ought to have your hearing checked."