Masculinity Debater Mugs

"O.K., let's confront the issues of masculinity!"

Vendor selling testosterone.

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

"No. I don't want to see an all-male production of 'Little Women.' "

Politically Correct Greeting Cards: Totally Blank

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.

Desk Organizers: 'He Said' and 'She Said'.

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

"It seems your polls have slumped ever since that issue with the washing up."

I saw that! Saw what? You just had tears in your eyes. The end of the movie made you cry! Did not. Why not just admit it? What's the big deal? It was a sad movie and you cried. It happens to everyone. You think you're above normal emotions? Are you better than the rest of us?! No. Fine, okay. It was sad. Maybe my eyes were a little moist. Girly man! Look at the crying girly man! Can't win.

"Excuse me! It's 'personflu' if you don't mind!"

What Kind of God

'What would the world be like without women? Well there'd be no people for a start.'

'And only enough blood to work one at a time.'

The girl with the most curves.

Line for the women's restroom vs. line for the men's restroom

'I tried to get the numberplate PEN 15 but it had gone.'

"I'm sick of your white male privilege."

You talk about gender equality but you rejected my application! Shame on you, Femen!

'Actually, a woman couldn't handle my job - I'm a gigolo.'

Many of you were confused about the "Randy's How to be an Alpha" lesson from yesterday: "Live like you've got nothing to lose." You know what? I don't care. If you don't get it, that's on you. If you want to hang out with the big dog, either keep up or get left behind. I hope that demonstration clears up the confusion. If not, I couldn't care less.

'From a purely financial standpoint, talking other people's money is just good business.'

"Man-to-man talk, Randy." "Proceed, friend." "If you were being audited, and you may have accidentally burned all your receipts and ledgers...would it be manlier to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with the ours, or to weasel out of it by ratting out an even bigger tax cheat?" "Or, would it be manlier to frame the auditor for a crime he didn't commit?" "Gonna have to take a day to think about this one."

Inflatable Guys For The Ladies

"It might be considered a hate crime, so tell me honestly. Did you shoot your husband because of his gender?"

'Listen, I know she's a useless secretary but since I employed her no man has taken a single day off.'

'Do you ever think Mature is kind of an odd way to classify video games?'

'I tell you, Mrs. Jones has got her raise just because of her professional competence - there's NO other reason, Mr. Katsinski'!

"Do you ever feel as though the portfolio of your manhood should have included combat?"

"I want you to follow my husband everywhere he goes and nag him."

Evidence that women are more intelligent than men. . .

Transvestite restrooms.

"'Macho Soap'! For the house husband who wants red, raw, rough hands!"

'Macho man - you're out! We want a different image. . . We're using a 'new' man now - sensitive, gentle, debonair. . .and here he comes.'