Martian Humorist Pillows

What NASA is not telling us...

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

God Sneezes Out Creation

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Clown God

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

Glance Exchange

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

'Mayday! Mayday! I'm in the drink!'

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"It's just a tree."

"How about a hand."

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,