Marriage Musketeer Pillows

"Look, you've been great. It's just that we'd like to start seeing other marriage counsellors."

'He does.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

'Do we have any oldies but goodies that you would care to hear?'

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

"My wife and I have a love-mate relationship."

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

'Almost done.'

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, with no chance of parole.'

'Of course I'm not fooling around with my secretary, Helen -- my receptionist would kill me!'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

'Hi, I'm Linda, and this is my husband Jack. He's been having trouble keeping his penis to himself.'

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

'How much is that yuppy in the window?'