Marriage Magician T-Shirts

"Now that I've moved my files down here to the basement, we'll be able to spend a lot more time together."

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

"I've just finished crafting a non-violent solution to our problems."

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

Counseling $10. This end up. I think we're making progress. I want to kill you both.

Why do my wife's lips move when I'm talking.

Lady vicar offering new bride a husband owner's manual.

"I highly recommend his services: he's really tamed my husband! His name is "Daniel", do you want his business card?"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Come dine with me!

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Hungry child

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Benihana style of cooking.

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

Arms reach through a mirror to straighten a man's bow tie.

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"Voila!...smooth pastry." (Lady teaching chef to iron dough).

Surprise in the salad bowl

You're the sizzle in my roast!

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

Hot pot

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"I'm making your favorite dessert, dear … seven layer cake."

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'