Marriage Gone Sour Mugs

'At least the mess I make is all in one place'

'His 'get up and go' usually surfaces once the pub's opened'

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

Diplomacy

'Stay, Rusty!'

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'He left me five minutes after he got his new National Health glasses.'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'When you finally decided to communicate, neither of you said anything worth listening to?'

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

'He left me for a guy. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.'

'What do you mean, you want a divorce?'

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

"Sorry. No refunds."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"Your wife said 'Shoot the clown of all I care.' But I'm sure can negotiate there."