Troublesome Marriage Mugs

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

Diplomacy

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

'We don't text anymore.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

"It's not jsut that he walks upright and uses complex tools. He also makes me laugh."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."