Marriage Commentary Admirer T-Shirts

"Why don't you try walking it off?"

Honestly, I don't know why I even bring Harold to parties.

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

'Your rhino, or mine?'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Ah, how romantic. They're kissing under my missing toe."

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

'Do you want to see a movie tonight?'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

Hats and Greetings

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

'Dear Henry, and dear Liza, for the sake of the relationship, just buy a new bucket!'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"Trying to auction me won't work!"

"I liked you better as my first husband."

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

Blarney Stone Romance

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

"I'm sure it's a false alarm - my husband must have the leak fixed by now."

"I didn't have this in mind when you said you'd make breakfast in bed!"

'We invested everything we had in our marriage.'

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

"He refuses to let me get on with the grieving process."

'Nothing grows in the shade.'

"...for better OR worse, not AND."

Snow White

"Why do you always side with him?!"

Wife to doctor about husband: 'It was a freak accident. He was doing some work on the house.'

'I'm not complaining, Walter -- I just thought marriage would be more interactive.'

Anti-Vax: Death Cult

"Oh, it was fun for awhile, but then she started getting under MY skin."